So, after writing the last post, I was thinking about if I actually help the kids. Sometimes I think I do more harm than good because I get so frustrated and overwhelmed. (and short-tempered and judgmental, and... these kids try my patience so much that most of my not-favorite qualities come out with them). So I've decided that what I can do is tell them, every day or even several times a day, that I love them. And even if I yell at them, I still love them. Sometimes I'll say, "You are driving me absolutely crazy and I am very very upset with your behavior but even if I'm sending you home, I still love you."
I think it's sinking in because one kid told another, "You know she still love you even when she mad." I hope it's sinking in. I don't know what else I can do - half the time I'm convinced that absolutely nothing I teach them will be retained for more than 30 seconds. But if they come away from this year knowing that one adult loves them unconditionally, that's something. And if there's any way - by God's grace and without me crossing legal separation of church and state lines - that they can understand that it is actually because Jesus loves me and them more than they can imagine (sounds crazy to many of you perhaps, but I'm convinced it's true), well, that's probably the greatest accomplishment I could have in my life - much better than success on the standardized tests.
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