Second very long part of the prison visit report.
After we got all the paperwork filled out and went through the metal detector, we got visitation slips with the name of the inmate, and made our way over to the other building for visitation. This is not maximum security so thankfully you can just sit next to the inmates, and not be separated by glass or have to use a telephone to talk.
First, you get a gate unlocked and go into a holding pen that is of course in direct sunlight (or rain if it's that season) and surrounded by fences topped with razor wire. You wait there until the gate at the other end is unlocked. This holding pen was a little bigger and less claustrophobic than the other prison (I do not have any claustrophobia and I came very close to a panic attack once at the other place) and they opened the other gate more quickly. Then you walk, again in blazing sunlight (or rain) to the visitation building. This one was less of a walk than the other prison but I still got a little sunburned because I am just that melanin-deprived.
We got in to the lobby and went through the basic ID check and jewelry/accessory check with the guard ("hair tie, one ring, no earrings"). He kept our IDs and sent us to the guard inside the visitation room who did the same check and assigned us a table.
Then we waited. On the other side, our friend was also waiting and had been for quite some time now. Our appointment was at 11:30 but because of the paperwork and all the checkpoints, we finally made it into the visitation room at 12:15 or so. Jorge said he had been ready since before 11:30. They finally brought him in around 12:50 I think. I don't know why they made him wait so long but it's so frustrating, especially when thinking about people who drove even further than us. When you've driven 6+ hours to see a loved one (some people we talked to had), the last thing you want to do is squander part of your visitation time for no reason.
But of course, it's worth it when the person walks in and you get to hug. Especially when it's the first hug you've been able to give them in almost four years. Jorge apologized for being sweaty because they had made him wait inside but none of us noticed or cared because we got to see him again.
We were next to a young woman with a toddler who kept yelling, "Daddy! Daddy!" as she was waiting. When he finally came out, she yelled even louder and happier, "Daddy!!!" She doesn't know any different - to her, Daddy is a man in a uniform who you visit in a place that has a lot of waiting around before you get to see him. I wonder at what age she will notice that this isn't true for everyone's daddies. I hope he's home with her by the time this happens.
Jorge looked great. He's turning 28 tomorrow, which is hard for me to believe because it means I've known him for almost 20 years. He's been working out, even in the heat (the inmates have no air conditioning) and he's passed all of his GED test sections except for math, which he's taking in a few weeks. He said that algebra and geometry are tough but satisfying, when you work out a problem. He's going to take college classes when he gets his GED.
We talked about relationships being difficult and what it's going to be like to have the transition to "out on the streets" which is what he calls getting out of prison. He wants to join a trade union but is worried of course about... everything. He really wants to help his grandma financially. He seemed in really good shape physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Mitali and I left the visit early as usual in order to give him family time with his grandma. We walked in the blazing sun again (It had reached the high of 111 degrees by then) back to the office where we check in and out and going from the (strong!) air conditioning to the direct sunlight and back into AC made me feel super dizzy for a minute. Then we went into town to eat something while we waited for Abuela.
Every time you leave or come back into the parking lot, you have to show your ID. It was handed back to me in the office, and as we were leaving, I couldn't find it. I got flustered and apologized and said I knew I had it somewhere. My past experience with this guards has taught me that they'd get angry and frustrated with me and, even if you're not doing anything wrong, having an armed guard who sees you as the enemy or at least as a friend of their enemy is terrifying.
This guy, though, told me not to worry at all. He said he was on duty till 10 pm and I wasn't putting him out at all. He looked like a cross between Santa Claus and a park ranger and I think his nametag said Hadley. As I was searching for my ID (finally found it), he was talking to Mitali and said something like, "As I tell the inmates, it could be any of us. We've all been young and made mistakes." Mitali said, "There but for the grace of God."
He didn't see them as enemies. And he saw them as humans. He waved to us as we left.
When we came back to pick up Abuela, Officer Hadley was still at the gate. He said, "Did you miss me already?" We told him we were picking someone up, showed our IDs, and came back into the parking lot.
Abuela came out, and she was flustered because when she left, a guard has asked her where her bracelet was. He said that she came in with a bracelet and needed to leave with the bracelet. We don't know how she became listed as wearing a bracelet because she hadn't been, and she finally convinced them of that, but it definitely threw her.
She was trying to tell me this though and she kept saying "esclava." Now, "esclava" can mean two things: a particular style of bracelet, or a slave. I sort of knew the former in the back of my head but I've only ever used "pulsera" so the poor woman had to explain this to me three times because I kept thinking she was saying she had a slave and just couldn't understand. Then Mitali asked me what Abuela had said and I just completely lost both languages for a minute. I was so tired and overwhelmed that I couldn't process anything in any language, not if my life had depended on it.
We saw Officer Hadley one more time and waved good-bye. I don't know why the atmosphere was so different at this place. I don't know why the guards were nicer and more respectful. It shouldn't be noteworthy, but it was.
Fortunately for me, Mitali drove back and didn't mind that I fell asleep because I had nothing left, nothing. I don't know how the other two women felt but I was absolutely spent. It was by far the best visit we had experienced but also the hardest to make myself go to and the most exhausting. I came home and watched TV from the couch until bedtime. I got up late and watched TV from the couch for another couple of hours.
I really feel for people who do this with children. Or visit their spouse/child/parent. Or drive further or have to work the next day or can't lie on the couch afterwards. It. Is. HARD.
Somehow, the lack of meanness, while obviously better and encouraging, was also hard. I was prepared for one thing and the other made me feel more vulnerable and less prepared. I can't imagine what it's like for the prisoners and for the family members who have less privilege than I do.
Thanks for reading, and please, PLEASE, consider buying a copy of our book. The money all goes to Abuela and Jorge just wants people to know his story. Here's the link but you can also just get a copy from me.
When he's out, you all have to meet him. He's a special person who has dealt with more in his 28 years than anyone should have to in many lifetimes.
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